Flying with the Dragonflies

I took a ride on the back of a dragonfly
He took me into the sky
Above the clouds and rain
To look upon the iron marble of pain
I see the owls and all carrying their emblem
As they kill and control with their modern golem
If only more could see what I see
There lives would seem meaningless and there spirits would be free
As I ascend into the cosmos
I am filled with machismos
As I call out to the stars
I feel as if I am Ares
Committing his last deed
Harvesting the weeds
And as the owls try to escape to the sky
Their wings burn for they have no ally
For after this moment only the honest survive
And what is left will know what it means to be alive
I took a ride on the back of a dragonfly
He took me into the sky
Above the clouds and rain
To look upon a world devoid of pain

~The Lotus Children

Love is within us all,

It is within me,

And it is within her.

Binding us together,

But the bond is broken.

There are faint threads,

That shall never be destroyed.

Except by us,

Do I cut these threads?

Can I kill beauty in its purest form?

Is it really beauty any longer?

Time and Environment, has worn it down

Sullied and besmirched it pulchritude,

It is no longer the Love that was.

The rapture between her and me is no more.

We were beautiful Lotus Children,

Planted with love on fertile soil.

They grew hundred of marvelous petals,

A world of color in each.

As they reached to the sky,

They climaxed in their moment of ecstasy.

There was no time, there was no space,

They were but one, joined together as one heart,

To become love itself.

But just as the lotus,

They fall subject to the nature of our existence,

To wither, to wane, to meet its demise.

But this is not the story of a tragedy,

For as the last petal falls to the ground

It fertilizes the seeds,

To grow a stronger lotus.

A connection that will live longer

To live longer, to live stronger,

Living in Love

For love is within everyone

Love is inside her

Love is inside me

And love is within you.

*Sealed Love Letter*

This is a letter
A letter that
will never be read
by the eyes it was written for
It will never reach
the hand that was meant to hold it
with each word I write
I let a little part of her go
and now she is
a fleeting memory
as these last few shreds
hang on to there last moments of life
I press this barrel to her forehead
the pain causes my hand to shake
I don't want to
enact this plan
but this crime cannot go unpunished
She has broken something
she cannot fix
she cannot replace
she will not walk away
because
I seal this letter
with a bullet in her brain
and a tear in my eye

"I sing my Song" TheTerrifying Beauty: II (un-edited)

As I walk among the dead

To see the evil and fallen

Reap what they sow

I have no outstretched hands.

For those who have outstretched there hands to me

Will be they walk among the dead as I.

As bloodstains cover this gray concrete canvas

The dead move on there is no stopping them.

The owls and other birds swoop

Using the metal birds and beast of burden.

But nothing can contain this plague

It will stretch across the whole world.

Sparing the few and removing the majority

For they have fallen and must fall at the hands

Of there mistakes

And there forefathers.

Here I am the grand musician

I am not chosen,

I am not special,

I just let the song flow through my body.

For it is my destiny

Will you sing along?

Do you know the song?

For when you the living dead are at your door

And the metal Owls fly over head

How will you be saved?

For they have come to me

They have defeated me before.

Taken my love

Taken everything from me.

What do you need to loose?

For you eyes to be open

For you to step out your door and sing the song.

For the majority has fallen

Or willingly close there mouths and eyes.

Run and dig your graves,

But you wont here the song

And will not rise again.

Now as I move along I sing my song with others,

I come to my own revelation.

That it is not about me and not about others

But truly about all

And I am nothing

Money, television, Microwaves, atoms, hate, love, time, space

We have all made these things

And we perpetuate these things by believing

But what is worth believing in anymore

The things I feel and see

They have deceived me

Even my own voice has hurt me

So why do I deserve to sing

For I am part of this Terrifying Beauty

I am the Terrifying Beauty

~The Vexing World of Monkeys~(un-edited)

This is all too vexing
Romance is a futile system
Women will only cripple your hearts
Man will only disappoint
And No One Can Escape the Truth
We Are All Burying Ourselves
We Are Destine To Rest in a Box
Alone
Is that why we strive for relations?
Not because we fear the grave
The true destiny of the advanced monkeys
Will be paralyzed deep in the earth
For these husks are incomplete products of the earth
And we must separate ourselves from them
For they must return to the earth and we must not
And until we know what it is to be without
We can never truly know what it is to have
We are driven by these earthly bodies
An therefore must feed it earthly desires
So here I walk
On the sharpest edge, love and hate
Each feeds the needs of the soul and body
But rips the two apart
And no man can stand divided
No matter how many stitches I sow in my mind
This wound will never heal
Sorry you must excuse me for I am busy
Trying to keep this wound from its execution
For this monkey is not done here
The message must be heard
Without the beauty of destruction
Without the end of this world
We can never truly live

“Curbs and Sidewalks” (un-edited)

I am sick,
I am sick of this sickness.
I look at this world around me,
it beats down,
it rips.
You can hear the loud
CRACK,
SNAP
of my bones shattering.
Sometimes I look about,
At the heap of worthless
Shit,
“Nothing matters”.
I tell myself
That a thing,
The company of another
Is what I need.
Is it true?
I look at
These two by two’s,
And I feel alone.
I wish there was someone,
Someone who understands.
One who sees me,
Who loves me.
One who honestly loves me.
I want to feel the soft touch,
Of temperate skin.
I want to feel the warmth
Of another’s heart beat,
As my arms are tenderly wrapped around them.
All I feel is cold,
My feet are numb
And my hands are shaking.
I am alone
In this cold nothingness.
I am filled with hate,
Hate driven by this pain.
I see this petty world
Filled with these fucking
Hacks
And assholes!
Stuck in the crap
I’m about waste deep
I see all the people around me
Some ankle deep
Some knee deep.
Every last one of them
Act like they are neck deep
WAKE
THE FUCK UP
You have someone who loves you
You must never lose sight of that
For it is the most important thing.
I am forced every day
To see love ever part of it.
I don’t even have an inch
Oh to have
But a single inch.
I know this world is large,
I am struck by its vastness every day.
Now I ask you,
To ponder this concept.
In such a far-flung
And colossal world,
How simple will it be for me, to find
The perfect inch.
Why do I bother?
I write these words,
But what do they do?
They wont bring the inch to me,
And they won’t make and inch appear.
There is no inch,
And I can write till my fingers bleed.
I could make
Every possible
Endless
Combination
Of words.
But I can never;
Explain how alone I feel,
Or how cold my fingers and toes are,
Or how painful it is
To see two people in love.
No matter who writes it,
With whatever pen and ink
Nothing and no one,
Can explain
The soft lips of the kiss I will never get.
For that inch,
That photograph inch,
Before our lips meet,
It will never be seen!

*sticks, sticks, sticks; snare, snare; bass, bass, bass, bass; high hat, high hat, high hat*(un-edited)

Out of all the questions
Out of all the combinations of words possible
Out of all the better questions I could be asked
I hear one more then any other
“Who is the you that you are talking about?”
Well let me tell you
A dirty little secret
There is no you!
You doesn’t exist
You is made up in my head
You is that perfect thing
For that moment
When you dive into
The roller-coaster ride
The up and downs
The twist and loops
The place that the writer
Brings you as your eyes
Fly across he words and lines
But the you is not real
The you is the perfect person
The perfect moment
The kind of people that ask this question
They don’t want that answer
They want to hear the answer
“The you is you”
But let me tell you the truth
“THE YOU IS NOT
WILL NOT
HAS NEVER
WILL NEVER
BE YOU”
See these people are full of themselves
But the truth is
If the you was you
I would have said you
Would have written you
NOT YOU
Stop wishing things that aren’t real
I make these things
To deal with reality
They are not real
They are a dream
They are more distance then that
A dream of a dream
(I know at now your confused but the you I adress in this poem is a group not just one person so don't think that it mean YOU)

*A Walk down the Street* The Terrifying Beauty: I (un-edited)

I’m living in constant insomnia
But I haven’t awakened from the first sleeping night.
As I walk down this street
The broken glass lacerates my feet, and I see the blood stained sidewalks.
I can’t feel the pain
For my mind controls my reality.
But I still can stop and notice the minute things,
Like the proud little blue bird
Standing up against the monstrous S.U.V!
Trying to defend the earth
Against the consumer creature.
That is raping our
And all the beauty it has created.
My eyes are burning
From the fire and exhaust,
From this fucking wears machine.
My insides are trying to escape through my mouth
As I vomit in the alley.
I hear the voice inside my mind screaming
You will never escape.
You will never escape
No escape
No fucking escape!
I feel the sun beating down on my face,
For the end of October
It feels like middle of July.
I lean against the wind
And it carries my steps down the sidewalk.
Contemplating everything
And nothingness,
And how only together they create the fabric of life.
And how ever bit of reality,
Breaks down
To one simple thought.
But at the same time is the most complex concept,
Infinity
Everything is a cycle.
The streets are covered with bricks
How long have I been walking.
And I don’t have the time
To ponder the concept of time.
I see a pixie fly by,
She gently blows bubbles in the air.
I think about how perfect spherical things are.
As I walk down this crowded city street,
It becomes clear to me what I must do.
I raise my voice and sing to the past
The surrounding crowd stares at me,
The dead arise from their graves.
The dead, they are revolting against the world they see,
They are rioting in the street.
Everyone is screaming and running as terror strikes there hearts,
Everyone but me.
The sick and the ugly, they are afraid of what they have done.
For they cannot see, the Terrifying Beauty.
The Terrifying Beauty.

*Weapon of Mass Destruction*(un-edited)

I need a weapon of mass destruction
I have to cut it down
Cut down this force that holds me
That wakes me every day
A force that brings out a smile
On a face that only knows sorrow
All I see are people blinded by this force
Masked from truth and reality
The reality I live in
For some travel in the clouds
I am the reeds of ancient Egyptian paper
Ripped, torn, and beaten into a pulp
Then flatten, pressed, and glued
Stuck in this ribbon pattern
Overlapping cross, with no set direction
This land is an ant farm
It is a lab maze
And I live with the mice
In this rat race to the cheese

I.
The walls are covered with Graffiti
Like the walls of the (cave man replace with real word) caves
And staring into the sky
I am brought to tears
Not tears of pain or tears of sorrow
For I have found my weapon
I lean against the hard brick
Between these stylized text
I would say good bye
But my mother always told me
“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”
And as this hammer falls down
I paint the walls of this paper

II.
The walls are closing in
Like a booby-trap in an old temple
Staring into this empty chamber
I am brought to tears
Not tears of pain, or sorrow
For I have found my weapon
I lean over this sink
Between a toilet and tub
Stuck in this decaying matter
That I am becoming part of
As these tablets make it to there destination
They are broken down by acid
The paper is now jaded

III.
The walls are dark and desaturated
Like the moon is covering the sun
Living in dissolution and confusion
As I stair into the darkness
I am brought to tears
Not tears of pain or sorrow
For I have found my weapon
As I lay on the floor cold and shaking
Naked and shackled
The metal reflects my face
And moves swiftly
Like it was sliding in warm butter
The paper is dripped with red

IV.
All these walls they look the same
Like I am suck between the carbon layers
Of a legal document
Stained with a coffee ring
As I stair into the mirror
I am brought to tears
Tears not of pain or sorrow
For I have found my weapon
I stand on my tip-toes
The word seems small
So distant and vague
And as I kick out the chair and this knot tightens
The paper will never be the same

*Mixed Drink*(un-edited)

My life is a mixed drink
1 part chaos
1 part melancholy
1 part passionate
1 part rapture
And a dash of solitude
Shake and serve with olive or lime

*Old Skin*(un-edited)

I open my eyes
To a new day
My mind aches
And as I stretch my arms
I think what a price to play
To forget painful pasts
Am I only digging the hole deeper
Should I dig deeper
Or should I hide from myself
Like I have been my whole life
I'm worn out
I have been running from myself for too long
Can I keep living like this
Can I even live anymore
What happens when time catches up to me
When I'm left alone
Do I escape into past toxins
How else can I tell if I’m alive
There is no space
Everything is tight
Everything is small
Pushing me
Crushing me
Let me go
Let it all go
Let go of myself
Fuck this pain
And this world that inflicts it
As I sit on the train on my way to class
I roll up into a ball
Hoping no one will see me
But still I smile
Put it out of my mind
Do I do it for myself
Do I wear these emotions to fool myself
No because in the end
I’m alone
And these feelings come back to haunt me
To rip me to shreds
Leave me here
Broken
Diving into these poisons
For they take the bite off this pain
And here I’m left
With the scars of my choices
And the stench of pain

*Time in Teardrops*(un-edited)

This life taste old
Like flat tonic water/
Open my eyes to daybreak
Trying to forget the night
The dreams that haunt me/
What came first the chicken or the egg?
Evolution or Creation/
I turn to the clock next to me
Cannot trust the blinking time/
I kick away the skins of past days
Still laying on my floor
I reach down to pick them up
And to myself I think/
I have all the time in the world
Time for all the things that don’t need it/
I drag through most of the day
Wishing for someone to laugh with me/
Someone to prove to me
That this not all there is/
I feel a strand of hair graze my face
And I quickly pull it back/
I am wishing it is you
Wishing it is your finger
Gently caressing my face
And as I stare into your eyes
We sing a song
Of love and passion/
And I wake up from this silly daydream
Its time to move now/
I put on music and walk
I wish to mull things over
But I am not alone/
I think part of me is scared
Scared to be alone
Alone inside my own head/
I shake it off
This place I have spent much time here
But it is different/
Who are these people?
They are not who they should be/
I see a friendly face worn down
By this world, by this bottle/
Small talk kills
But it is better then no talk at all
Run from the conversation in fear you’ll say too much/
I roam around trying to find
A person to talk to
Or a person who knows when to shut up
Maybe someone to love
Or just someone to fuck!/
I’m crammed into a small room
With a few good people
And through the smoke and thick warm air
We talk, and time moves by/
It is over now no one is left
All gone home
All gone to bed/
I walk home and try to think
Of the days events
And what this all means/
And as I lay in bed
I think to myself
FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK MOTHER FUCKER
Change is coming I tell myself
For it is the only hope I have left
And I have to hold onto
The little sanguinity I have left

*Never to be Know*(un-edited)

Streaming endless
Like the perfect figure
A circle
No beginning or end
How do you know what time is?
I look at a clock but I only read the same time
Is this what it has come too?
Have I really gone that far?
I know who I am
I know who I am
Who am I trying to convince
Is this all real or is it made up in my head
Maybe I'm just being a little over dramatic
Drama
What does it really mean?
And isn’t a name created by the person who has dedicated there life to it?
So how could I be over dramatic?
Sometimes I fear I'm not happy
Because I think my life is suppose to be like everyone says
Is it because I'm deeper then that
No
I don’t feel deep
There is no Cosmic Energy
Its only Hippy Synergy
I don’t know what is out their
Life is beyond vast and complex
Beyond human grasp
I was walking down the street
Hearing someone else sing about there life
Using their own words make their own art
And even singing along
Because what is art
If you don’t sing along
And as the people I care about
Cut with knives and sharp tongues
I think to myself
I have harmed myself
I have ripped myself
With these same razors
All my life wasted
And I notice a three legged dog walk by
But I am the only person who sees it
I am alone now
This is a different time
Maybe even a different place
So does this make me a different person?
My hands look the same
It must be me
No ones got hands like mind
Nevertheless as alone I feel
I am still surrounded
By this city
It breaths and moves
Like a hill of ants
Is that why I live here
Is that why I feel safe here
Because the would around me is alive
And in some vast way I am connected to this city
Therefore if I am part of a living thing I am alive
No I am not part of this city
A car sets on fire
A mother and three kids inside
Luck would have it that fireman were across the street
But does any know about this
There is no news report
Not even in a local paper
No as a matter of fact
When they where being pulled out of the car
The fancy monkeys in the suits and dresses
Driving cars that make them feel like rock stars
Honk there horns
Normally I'm not vulgar
My finger just loses control at suitable times
They chase a dream that isn’t real
Just like a rock star
And just like me
These are the things
That no one knows
When I feel, how I feel
There must be a method to all of this
When I look at myself through a mask
I hate who I am but the world seems brighter
But without the mask
Without this iron veil
I feel happy and light
But as I look upon this world without you
It is a place of pain and hate
Where the fish rip through scales and blood
The things I wish I could articulate
That even these words can’t completely tell
For this story is not over
It will not die at my hand
Not now
Not yet

*Cherry*(un-edited)

All words seem to slur together
Nothing makes sense if all you can hear is vowels
But these words need to be heard
We are the makers of meaning
Reality is only perception
Open your eye
See more then just reality
Bond together
Hypersexual children of our earth
Born of a past generation
That is happy to give us their dues
A generation that buys water in a bottle
Hidden in the gigabytes
Are codes of handcuffs
Our world is not what it seems
Spinning ball of hot ash
Listen to the Latin words
Tempus Fugit
Carpe Diem
Most of all
Momento mori
I laugh and think
Of all the times my mother said
“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”
Why should this be any different?
But now I'm done talking
So I put the cold hard facts in my mouth
Some say I’m looking for an end
But I feel optimistic
I can feel the iron on my tongue
Will it burn the inside of my cheeks?
I guess I will never know
With a mouth full of forty five
I paint the wall

*Never to be Seen Again*(un-edited)

Torn tiny pieces
As I lift myself
From the cold unforgiving asphalt
I stare into the fleshy pulp
Strewn among the bloodstain splatters
Nothing seems real
I never should have let you go
The bitter sting
The wolves have taken you
Ripped you away
Why must our past never let go
Lying in bed
The world didn’t need to make sense
The only thing that matters
Is that your hand fits in mine
Listening to cheesy music
And staying up all night
Wishing the day would never come
I’m sick
This world
All of its ironic fate
Take everything from me
Don’t leave me like this
With this pain
Everything just blurs together
Shaking
The stars don’t shine anymore
Come back stars
Come back stars
Come back
Come back
Don’t do this
This cant be real
Fingers running through my hair
Fuck
Gently scratching
The 5 cm hair on my face
Holding back these tears from a world that can’t understand
Fuck this
Haunted by a final kiss and the worlds I never said
The final fall
Like the last oak leaf
That floats down
To a snowy bed
This can’t be the end
Fuck
I can’t let this be the end
I lay flowers on this grave
And simply walk away
Alone
As the icy wind
Chills my face
And the tips of my fingers
I lift myself
From this cold unforgiving asphalt
I stare into the fleshy pulp
Strewn among the bloodstain splatters
Nothing feels real
It didn’t that night
And it doesn’t now

This is a Prose Not Wine(un-edited)

This is a love poem
A love poem that has grown old
This is a love poem, not an expensive wine
For this poem has only grown sour with age
So you may say this was a love poem
Before you got a hold of it
And once all is said and done
This is left an Anti-Love poem
Sneering at the springtime
And slicing hearts in half

You’re a dance queen at only age seventeen
With your low cut shirt
And skin tight pants
You’re beating the boys off with a stick
Aren’t you?
You’re an innocent little church girl
Aren’t you?
You wanted to have the bad boy
Didn’t you?
But you bit off more then you could chew
Didn’t you?
How long does it take
To see that you are living a lie
One two years
When did it change
When did this angel with a mohawk
Lose his wings
Or when did you finally see
That there were no fucking wings at all
I can hear you heart race
And you breath change pace
As my lips make it
From your belly to your breasts
I know this will end soon
And not soon enough if you ask me
As I spread my arms out wide
And I fall down to my knees
I can’t tell the difference between the raindrops
And tears of joy
One week, seven days, 168 hours
That’s how long it takes
To put together a broken heart and move on
Or is it just how long it takes to forget
To forget the past two years
To forget the person who saved you from yourself
To forget the truth, or at least ignore it
And live a new fucking lie
Or a new love as you call it
So say to him
The things you swore were for me
And give him your empty I love you
Because I don’t want them anymore
And dance queen of age seventeen
While you were throwing up your meals
And slitting your wrists
I was living my life to the fullest
And loving myself no matter who I am
Did you ever think?
That you would save me
As you put on your long sleeve
Low cut shirt
Show what you want the boys to see
And hiding everything you don’t want people to see
That I would see below the surface
As you pull up you skin tight
Pre-ripped jeans
Did you ever think
This saving angel, was not your FUCKING angel
As I hold this cup of wine to my lips
I can still taste the toxins
Of a dance queen at only age seventeen

This was a love poem
A love poem that has grown old
Beaten down, withered aged, and grown sour
From the toxins
Of a dance queen
In a low cut shirt
And skin tight jeans
At only age seventeen

*Lovers Fist*(un-edited)

Let’s raise our fists
Till we reach the sky
So our words will be heard
To every mountain and every valley in this world
Let’s raise our fists
Until we feel alive
Until they shake in fear
For our words are meant to break hearts

I don’t slit my wrist
I don’t cry myself to sleep
I won’t let you dig away at me
For now I’m free
And now I see
All the signs I missed
All the girls I could have kissed
All the times I bit my lip
And all the fucking hissy fits

Let’s raise our fists
Till we reach the sky
So our words will be heard
To every mountain and every valley in this world
Let’s raise our fists
Until we feel alive
Until they shake in fear
For our words are meant to break hearts

I don’t miss the things you stole
For the time has come to pay this toll
For you have made mistakes
And some things can never be replaced
The blood rushes through my veins
As I grab a hold of this lions mane
And I know my life will never be the same


Let’s raise our fists
Till we reach the sky
So our words will be heard
To every mountain and every valley in this world
Let’s raise our fists
Until we feel alive
Until they shake in fear
For our words are meant to break hearts

You have moved on
To a different time to a different song
Does something feel wrong
Like you been living in a lie for too long
As your fingers slide across the piano in teams
I can see my blood pouring out of the seams
And I can tell by the rips in your fifty dollar jeans
That you want me gone by any means

Well let’s raise our fist
Till we reach the sky
So I words can be heard
To everyone who has broken our hearts
Let’s raise our fists
Until we feel alive
And when they shake in fear
We won’t shed a tear

*why why why*(un-edited)

This is the beginning of the end
Why can’t I dance in the rain anymore
Why can’t I feel the cool drops
Gently fall on my face
Why can’t I scream anymore
Why can’t I outstretch my arms
Tell the whole world how I feel
Why can’t I love anymore
Why can’t I open my heart
Let it fall into you arms
Why can’t I understand anymore
Why can’t I live anymore
Why, why, why
I have become numb
To everything but you
As I lay on my floor
Writing down pointless worlds
I though I would change the world
I though I would save someone
I though a lot but did nothing
What does all this mean
Why am I doing this
Why do I sit up all night
Trying to understand it all
Should I stop caring
Should I stop trying to understand
I stare at the ceiling
Waiting for it to end
Waiting to see you again
Waiting for that first kiss
It’s soft and tender
Dreading that last kiss
It’s sharp and fatal
I can feel the blood pumping in my veins
It’s thick and hot
Like warm milk on a winter night
As this all fades to black
All I want to do is hold you one more time
Be able to feel one more time

*yhw yhw yhw*(un-edited)

Be able to feel one more time
All I want to do is hold you one more time
As this all fades to black
Like warm milk on a winter night
It’s thick and hot
I can feel the blood pumping in my veins
It’s sharp and fatal
Dreading that last kiss
It’s soft and tender
Waiting for that first kiss
Waiting to see you again
Waiting for it to end
I stare at the ceiling
Should I stop trying to understand
Should I stop caring
Trying to understand it all
Why do I sit up all night
Why am I doing this
What does all this mean
I though a lot but did nothing
I though I would save someone
I though I would change the world
Writing down pointless worlds
As I lay on my floor
To everything but you
I have become numb
Why, why, why
Why can’t I live anymore
Why can’t I understand anymore
Let it fall into you arms
Why can’t I open my heart
Why can’t I love anymore
Tell the whole world how I feel
Why can’t I outstretch my arms
Why can’t I scream anymore
Gently fall on my face
Why can’t I feel the cool drops
Why can’t I dance in the rain anymore
This is the beginning of the end

*Sitting on the Train*(un-edited)

Sitting on the train was like living in a poem
In the lyrics of a romantic songs
Just listening to you tell me the words I never wanted to here
But let it go
I let go of it all
Because we are meant to be together and nothing can stop that
Love forever